Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
