Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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