my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
