I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize