drunk tastebuds have low standards.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
