He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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