Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
