I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize