is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
