It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
