Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
