i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
