I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
