Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
