I hate all girls vehemently.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
