Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i think i have herpe
just one?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
