just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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