Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
