just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
