hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
