his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
