We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize