Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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