Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
