Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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