i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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