you're like a bully in the Christmas story
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
