yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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