just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize