Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
