Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
