I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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