I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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