You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
