When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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