is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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