I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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