This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize