I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize