We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
