shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
