I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize