Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
