I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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