12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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