OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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