Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
