Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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