somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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