you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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