saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
