I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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