P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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