Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
