I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
