Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
