Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
