Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize