Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize