i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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