Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
