rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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