I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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