jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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