just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
